How to Instantly Lose Connection with Someone


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This information is for all the concerned, well-meaning friends, coworkers, family members and educators out there. You are a good person and you want the best for those you care about.

Let me give you what may seem like an obvious warning, but is something we all forget from time to time. I’m an offender, too.

The best way to instantly lose connection with someone is to judge them.

I’m not saying you roll over and accept whatever anyone does. And I’m definitely not advocating you forgo your discernment - defined as “keenness of insight and judgment.”

What I’m saying is if you want the best for someone, if you want to influence them in positive way, you must be connected to them. And when you are connected and they trust you, you can help them and they will be open to the full benefits of your discernment.

However, all bets are off when you judge them morally, intellectually, or emotionally. It’s not about being right or wrong, it’s about whether you want to be effective in helping this person or not. And if it’s more important for you to be right than helpful, do you know why that is and might that be helpful to your own development to understand?

See what I tried to model there? I didn’t say, if you are more concerned about being right than helpful, you need to take a good look at yourself and see why you are so self-righteous.

So provide your feedback and be open and honest, but leave the judgment out of it if you want your excellent advice to have the best chance of finding a friendly home.