To change your problems, change your values!
I don’t mean abandon your values. I don’t mean accept other people’s values. I mean reconsider what it is that you actually need and what values truly matter.
So if your value is you want your kid to get into a top school and your kid is not motivated, you have a big problem. Let’s assume this is not going to improve so this will be a problem that takes a lot of your time and energy and stresses you out. You care and that’s why it hurts so much.
But what if there was a different path?
Let’s take a look at changing that your values. Instead of valuing your kid getting into a good school, what if you changed your value to “I want my kid to live the best version of their life they can and I want to help them get a strong start.” Now with this new value, getting into a top school is no longer the only solution. There are countless other ways your kid can have a fulfilling life and countless other ways you can support them in this regard. Now you may have a better and different problem, like how do I help them discover their inner motivation and drive? Or how do I help them figure out how to transition best into adulthood and become a contributing member of society. Or how do I help them get into the best school for them that will prepare them for what is to come?
Notice how being stuck on a single value can be what creates the problems for you?
Again, to change your problems, change your values!