The Charisma Chronicles: episode #3 of 10

Thanks in no small part to Susan Cain’s research and TED talks, it seems like Introverts are having a moment. Anyone who identifies as an introvert and is sick of being told to be more outgoing is probably thinking, “at last!” Which leads me to my next question, if charisma is so impactful,

Can someone who is an Introvert have Charisma?

First, let’s clear up and important misconception. Though different psychologists may define introversion slightly differently, introversion does not equal being shy. Personally, I like Cain's definition that introverts have a preference for a quiet, more minimally stimulating environment.

We all have a stereotype of a charismatic person being an extrovert and that’s alright. But, stop and think for a second. Though most charismatic people you know may be extroverts, not every extrovert you know is charismatic. Some extroverts are better defined by the following words: loud-mouth, boor, attention-hog, or obnoxious.

And maybe you really do know a lot of introverts with charisma, you just don’t think of them that way because of our societal bias towards extroverts. The following people are identified as introverts and have done fine in the charisma and success departments.

Keanu Reeves - Neo, John Wick, I can never remember, was he Bill or Ted?

Steve Jobs - You don’t build a trillion dollar company without some charisma

Steven Spielberg - The man who brought us Indiana Jones, ET and velociraptors

JK Rowling - Richer than the Queen, wrote Harry Potter

Warren Buffett - The Oracle of Omaha, people regularly bid over $1 million dollars to have lunch with him

Mahatma Gandhi - Try to convince anyone you know that when they are getting hit not to hit back

Michael Jordan - Lots of rings, sneakers, a hit movie

Meryl Streep - Watch any movie she has made if the Academy Awards are not enough to convince you

Elon Musk - Real-life Tony Stark

So how is an introvert able to have charisma? What makes the difference between those introverts who make an impact and those who fade into the background and are forgotten?

Once we understand that charisma is about sensing and ultimately delivering what is most needed from an emotional perspective, we can start to see how neither extroversion nor introversion defines charisma.

The key for introverts is that while still operating within their preference for a minimally stimulating environment, they have to be able to emotionally connect with others and deliver what that other person needs. For example, a struggling company can be just as energized by a thoughtful leader with an ability to listen and quietly instill confidence in the path forward as a brash, macho leader who promises to take no prisoners. Both leaders can give their employees the reassurance and comfort they need to continue to believe in the future of the company and bring their best to work.

The challenge for the introvert is they have to be among people to connect to them. They have to be able to emotionally connect to and move others. This doesn’t mean they have to be around people all the time and this doesn’t mean they shouldn’t take time away from people to recharge. This does mean they have to understand that charisma happens in the space between people and not in solitude..

If you are curious about the principles that underlie the elusive trait known as charisma, I have just released my first book, Unlock Your Charisma.

Available on Kindle and Apple Books, get the insights you need to become your most charismatic self.

The Charisma Chronicles: episode #2 of 10

Do you have to be good-looking to have charisma?

If you stop and think about it, people with charisma tend to be good-looking. But maybe there is a chicken and egg thing going on — are they charismatic because they are good-looking or good-looking because they are charismatic?

We learned in episode #1 that charisma is about emotions and not looks. Here’s the thing, as humans, we use heuristics or short-cuts all the time to make judgments. And one of the short-cuts we make is based on how things look.

Imagine you have come into some money and are looking to buy a million dollar house. Today you are meeting your realtor for the first time and they arrive in a Toyota Corolla with one or more hubcaps missing. Confession time, I used to drive a Toyota Corolla and from time to time a hubcap would fall off. Not sure why, but to this day if you see a Toyota Corolla on the road a lot of times a hubcap is missing. But, I digress. Where were we? Oh yes, the realtor rolls up in the Toyota Corolla. Be honest, before you even exchange hello’s, how has your impression of the realtor been affected?

Now let’s rewind and imagine the same exact situation except this time the realtor arrive in a impeccable, almost impossible shiny metallic blue Maserati? Be honest, how do you like them now?

Here’s the thing. You are a savvy house buyer so you will know in the next few weeks whether the realtor is a good realtor or not. However, you are more likely to favor them if they arrive in a nicer car. The same goes for tasting bottles of wine. Even sommeliers can be affected in experiments where they play around with the labels.

Being good looking gives you what I like to call “simulated charisma.” Our brains work in a way that we give good-looking people bonus points in the game of charisma. However, good looks will only take you so far.

Good looks cannot actually create charisma — hence the term, simulated charisma.

The takeaway is that how you present yourself can make it harder or easier for your charisma to reveal itself. I’m not saying obsess over your looks, but you need to be aware of the limited extent to which it matters.

Don’t make things harder for yourself. In the same way you wouldn’t show up to an interview with a stain on your tie, don’t present yourself in a way that you know will makes it harder for the person to be for you.

Final pointer is associations matter, too. The school you went to, the family you come from, the circles you move around in all have a simulated charisma effect.

Back to our realtor in the Toyota Corolla. Suppose they arrive with Richard Branson in the passenger seat. How do you like me now?

If you are curious about the principles that underlie the elusive trait known as charisma, I have just released my first book, Unlock Your Charisma.

Available on Kindle and Apple Books, get the insights you need to become your most charismatic self.

The Charisma Chronicles: episode #1 of 10

What's the one thing we could all use more of? 

I know what you’re thinking because I’m thinking it, too — “more cowbell!” Okay, that’s definitely #1. 

So let me ask again, what is the #2 thing we could all use more of?

Coming in at a close second would be more charisma. Like Will Ferrell's sweet moves, it’s easy to imitate, but not so easy to produce the same intangible genius of the original.

Which leads me to ask, why is charisma so elusive? Ask 10 people what charisma is and all of them will tell you about behaviors or traits of charismatic people or how it makes them feel. No one can seem to put their finger on the actual mechanism that makes a person charismatic.

One reason why charisma is so elusive is it lives in the energy created between two people. The person with the charisma and the person being affected by it. Also, charisma is less a group of behaviors and more a state of being. You don’t “do” charisma, you “are” charismatic, or you are not. Finally, charisma is all about emotions and being able to connect with someone and impact their emotions in a meaningful way. 

The most important thing is if you can’t say what something is, you can’t get more of it. As I was talking to a coworker around this difficulty of defining charisma, I stumbled into articulating the first definition I’ve seen that actually explains how charisma works, not just what it does.

Charisma is the ability to sense, and ultimately deliver, exactly what is most needed from an emotional perspective in a given moment.

Imagine you are a party and it is boring. Sensing and saying, “this party is dead,” will not make you charismatic, just observant. However, the person who can bring what is needed to make the party exciting and wonderful will be perceived as charismatic.

Now change scenes to a hospital where a family is waiting to find out the results of a loved one’s operation. Bringing da party is not charismatic. What is? Imagine the uncle or aunt who has the ability to empathize, give compassion and comfort — this person will be perceived as charismatic.

Through these examples you can start to see why charisma is so elusive and hard to define. It is ever changing based on the needs of others and it not just a single skill that a person has. The truly charismatic among us carry this state of being with them in whatever context they find themselves in. It’s not an act or a skill, it’s more a state of being.

The good news is once you unwrap what charisma actually is, you can start to get more of it.

If you are curious about all 8 principles that underlie the elusive trait known as charisma, I have just released my first book, Unlock Your Charisma.

Available on Kindle and Apple Books, get the insights you need to become your most charismatic self.

If you are ready, in the immortal words of Bruce Dickinson, “roll it!”

“...ding ding ding ding...”