3. Can an Introvert have charisma?

The Charisma Chronicles: episode #3 of 10


Thanks in no small part to Susan Cain’s research and TED talks, it seems like Introverts are having a moment. Anyone who identifies as an introvert and is sick of being told to be more outgoing is probably thinking, “at last!” Which leads me to my next question, if charisma is so impactful,

Can someone who is an Introvert have Charisma?

First, let’s clear up and important misconception. Though different psychologists may define introversion slightly differently, introversion does not equal being shy. Personally, I like Cain's definition that introverts have a preference for a quiet, more minimally stimulating environment.

We all have a stereotype of a charismatic person being an extrovert and that’s alright. But, stop and think for a second. Though most charismatic people you know may be extroverts, not every extrovert you know is charismatic. Some extroverts are better defined by the following words: loud-mouth, boor, attention-hog, or obnoxious.

And maybe you really do know a lot of introverts with charisma, you just don’t think of them that way because of our societal bias towards extroverts. The following people are identified as introverts and have done fine in the charisma and success departments.

Keanu Reeves - Neo, John Wick, I can never remember, was he Bill or Ted?

Steve Jobs - You don’t build a trillion dollar company without some charisma

Steven Spielberg - The man who brought us Indiana Jones, ET and velociraptors

JK Rowling - Richer than the Queen, wrote Harry Potter

Warren Buffett - The Oracle of Omaha, people regularly bid over $1 million dollars to have lunch with him

Mahatma Gandhi - Try to convince anyone you know that when they are getting hit not to hit back

Michael Jordan - Lots of rings, sneakers, a hit movie

Meryl Streep - Watch any movie she has made if the Academy Awards are not enough to convince you

Elon Musk - Real-life Tony Stark

So how is an introvert able to have charisma? What makes the difference between those introverts who make an impact and those who fade into the background and are forgotten?

Once we understand that charisma is about sensing and ultimately delivering what is most needed from an emotional perspective, we can start to see how neither extroversion nor introversion defines charisma.

The key for introverts is that while still operating within their preference for a minimally stimulating environment, they have to be able to emotionally connect with others and deliver what that other person needs. For example, a struggling company can be just as energized by a thoughtful leader with an ability to listen and quietly instill confidence in the path forward as a brash, macho leader who promises to take no prisoners. Both leaders can give their employees the reassurance and comfort they need to continue to believe in the future of the company and bring their best to work.

The challenge for the introvert is they have to be among people to connect to them. They have to be able to emotionally connect to and move others. This doesn’t mean they have to be around people all the time and this doesn’t mean they shouldn’t take time away from people to recharge. This does mean they have to understand that charisma happens in the space between people and not in solitude..

If you are curious about the principles that underlie the elusive trait known as charisma, I have just released my first book, Unlock Your Charisma.

Available on Kindle and Apple Books, get the insights you need to become your most charismatic self.

Connection Counselor June 2019 Survey results

Thanks to everyone who participated in our inaugural Connection Counselor Survey!

Below is an infographic summary of the results, plus some resources that may help.

Stay on the lookout for the next Connection Counselor survey in July...

Survey_June 2019 fixed.png


Below are some of my best suggestions for addressing the issues that came up during the survey.

If you'd like to discuss more, reach out to me at joe@connectioncounselor.com.


  • Get a resume and LinkedIn makeover - Lynda Spiegal is a dear friend who runs Rising Star Resumes, a highly rated resume and LinkedIn profile service. With 14 years of experience in human resources, Lynda understands how recruiters and hiring managers think when they're looking to hire.

  • Read EZPZ articles on interviewing by going to www.connectioncounselor.com/blog and typing “interview” in the Search box. You will find articles to help you deal with your job search better like this one: “Change Your Perspective, Nail the Interview”

  • Listen to "Why It Works" on Successful Interviews with Julia Shamis, who is a recruiting and career services professional. We explore why an interview is not an interrogation, how to foolproof your day of the interview commute, and the silliest, most tragic way to blow a job offer.


  • Read Book Yourself Solid, by Michael Port to learn how to get more clients than you can handle, even if you hate marketing and selling. 93% of small business owners who use the system see a 40% increase in their revenues in the first year.

  • Watch the Connection Counselor’s video on “Driving Customers” from the #NLV2019 conference in Atlanta, Georgia. Special thanks to my partner-in-crime and co-presenter Michael "Fritz" Fritzius - President at Arch DevOps.





Want more FREE resources? The Connection Counselor has created several free guides to help you in the areas of Connection, Perspective, Public Speaking and Networking.

Receive all these guides and any future ones by signing up to the Connection Counselor newsletter here.

You will get immediate access to all of our FREE guides. No hoops, no waiting - just instant gratification. If you're into that sort of thing. I won't judge.

How to Network Better


Have you ever noticed that sometimes your attempts at networking eventually fall flat? They start out with a spark, but at some unforeseen point they just fizzle. If this happens too often you may be discouraged from continuing your networking efforts.

The other day we bought one of those mini table tennis kits on a whim. It comes with a small net, two paddles and a ping pong ball. As a warm up, we decided to see if we could volley the ball back and forth up to 50 consecutive times. The ball could hit the ground, but you could only hit the ball once before the other person's turn.

What I noticed on our journey to 50 is things went a lot better if we kept the ball in the air. You develop a sort of rhythm and start to move a little faster towards your goal. A few days later I noticed an email that a friend had sent me that I hadn’t responded to, yet. It was at least a few weeks old. I felt terrible, but responded to try to pick up where we left off.

The goal of networking is to strengthen your relationship with people in your network. You get there a lot faster if you don’t let the ball drop. While there’s no magic number of days that is always right for getting back to a person, there is a point that is later than idea. That’s like letting the ball hit the ground. It doesn’t end the game, but it does make it take longer to get to your goal.

What can we do to network better?

Better Networking Tips:

  1. Understand that there is a natural rhythm with each different person you are keeping in touch with. For some, more regular contact makes sense and for others, more periodic contact is better.

  2. Regardless of the appropriate amount of time between contacts between you and a given person, there is a period that is too long and breaks the connection. This is not fatal, but weakens the relationship and makes it take longer to reach the same level of strength in the relationship vs. if you had responded earlier.

  3. Keep in mind that everyone has a limited ability to respond. Imagine playing the volleying game, but instead of 1 partner you have 5 or 10 or 100. So don’t take it personally if you don’t always get a response. All you can do is hold up your end for as long as makes sense.

  4. Keep the level of interaction appropriate. A networking contact need not be a novel. As stated in point #3 above, people are keeping in touch with many more people than you. It’s okay to send short, light messages that show your good will and intention to stay connected. None of us can fully engage on every contact and it’s onerous when people expect that too much.

If you use these tips, you will reach your networking goals more often and with less attempts fizzling out prematurely.

Your Move: What has worked best for you in terms of networking?