Have you ever been asked to create something new or revitalize an initiative that has been on life-support? Ever encounter the tremendous obstacles like lack of sufficient resources, inertia and lack of urgency? Try as you might, the existing framework is not one you can use to guarantee success.

A piece of advice that is so common it’s almost cliche is you need to get an executive sponsor for any meaningful initiatives of programs. That’s actually great advice for obvious reasons, but it is easier said than done.

Senior executives can be hard to reach. Once you reach them, it can be difficult to get them to engage because your initiative, while important, is one of many commitments flying at them on an hourly basis.

The next time you have a senior executive’s commitment, but are having challenges turning this into action, don’t give up! Just EFF it. Well, that’s an acronym. Easy, Flattering, and Fast to Market. Let’s look at these in turn.

1. Easy

   For just a moment, put yourself in the boardroom yourself. Each minute of your time is carefully calibrated and scheduled. Breaks are few and far in between. It’s just “go, go, go” from sunup to sundown and then a new request lands on your desk.

   When you make the ask easy for the executive to understand and execute, you are more likely to get a timely response. For example, there is a difference between please draft an email in support vs. here is a draft of an email you can use as a template and here is who you can send you edits to and who you can ask if you have questions. Which one approach is more likely to get actione?

2. Flattering

   Does your initiative align with this executive’s values and favorite causes? In addition to helping the organization, have you highlighted ways it can help promote other separate, but related interests of the executive? It’s not about catering to ego, it’s about aligning your initiative to their interests in a way that gets their attention and excitement. The more you do this the more likely that your initiative will be able to cut through the noise and stand out.

3. Fast to Market

   I’m a big fan of delay of gratification. The famous Marshmallow experiment, debates about how scientifically sound it is or not, speaks to the obvious truth that people who can control themselves have better results than if they had not. Also, the anticipation of a great event or meal is often more pleasurable than the actual experience. That said, people need some sense of time in order to execute, and executives are no different. Ask someone to do something in 6 months and see how confused they look.

   When asking an executive for something, make sure you communicate a reasonable time frame where they will be able to see the fruits of their labors sooner rather later. Nobody likes to do something and they see it go into a black hole. The closer the result is to the input, the more likely people are to get excited about contributing.

So the next time you are having trouble getting traction with a senior executive, don’t give up, don’t bemoan their lack of commitment. Just regroup, replan, and EFF it!

The Charisma Chronicles: episode #10 of 10

At a certain level having Charisma seems like an unfair advantage.

It’s like you are a boxer weighing 30 lbs more than the other guy the night of the bout.

It’s more powerful than Charm. You can be charming and people will find you likable, but they will not necessarily go out of their way for you.

It’s more effectual than Innovation. How many great innovations never saw the light of day because the inventor or company couldn’t figure out how to market it properly?

It’s more versatile than being Physically attractive or Socially connected. Both of these have their limitations and if the person in question is not attracted to you or doesn’t care about your social circles you are stuck.

Part of the Power of Charisma comes from the fact that it works with anyone, anytime, anywhere. Here is where it can be easy for our thinking to go astray.

Ding, ding!

Round 1

Because we see the tremendous power and versatility of Charisma in a certain person, we assume that if we only had the same attributes and did the same things as that person we would also be powerfully charismatic.

So what do we do? We start to dissect the things they do. We start to copy them. We start to match them them move for move and then . . . we fail. It doesn’t work.

Just before the bell, we are sent reeling to the mat. Knock down #1.

The ref begins the count, “1, 2, 3 . . .”

We slap the mat in frustration, jump up and storm back to our corner.

Round 2

Between rounds we despair that our initial strategy didn’t work.

Maybe we didn’t try hard enough? Maybe we picked the wrong person?

Or maybe, and this is where a lot of people end up, Charisma is more an inborn talent that you either have or your don’t. Or at least it is easier for some people to naturally gain.

Because we don’t think we can win anymore, we just go through the motions trying not to lose too badly.

Again, just before the bell, we suffer Knock down #2.

Through the fog you hear the count, “1, 2, 3, 4, 5 . . .”

On wobbly knees we make it back to our feet and stumble back to our corner.

Round 3

That last knock down seemed to have knocked something loose in our understanding - in a good way.

We begin to realize that charisma is created by an invisible, intangible force between people. As a result, each match, each round, indeed each moment is unique and may require different reactions and skills. We start to see that charisma is not about entertaining the crowd with the moves we want to showcase, but more about sensing where the audience wants to be emotionally and taking them there.

Charisma is the ability to sense, and ultimately deliver, exactly what is most needed from an emotional perspective in a given moment.

Now our emotional footwork starts to flow, our conversation and actions start to really connect, and we are leading others with skill and ease. Once we realize what the need is and unleash the right combination to take the person there, BOOM!

We score a thundering Charisma K.O.!

Conclusion

I’ve really enjoyed your company on this journey of the Charisma Chronicles. I hope you left with some good memories and some insights and tools you can leverage to enhance your Charisma.

If you’d like to continue the conversation, email me at joe@connectioncounselor.com or connect with me on LinkedIn.

Finally, please send any Charisma success stories my way. I love learning from others.

Take care and thanks for joining me!

If you are curious about the other principles that underlie the elusive trait known as charisma, I have just released my first book, Unlock Your Charisma.

Available on Kindle and Apple Books, get the insights you need to become your most charismatic self.

The Charisma Chronicles: episode #9 of 10

I must really apologize. That headline is so misleading.

Did you come here thinking I was going to tell you just one thing to stop doing?

Did you think that by stopping doing that one thing it would unleash your charisma and overwhelm your audiences like the Roman Army overwhelming its opposing armies in Gladiator?

At my signal, unleash hell.

—Maximus

Allow me to explain.

It would be disingenuous of me to advise you and say something like, “stop being so guarded” and expect you to see any results. Let me pick another one, “stop getting distracted when people are talking to you.” There isn’t one behavior that is blocking you and there isn’t one behavior that will generate charisma for you.

So why did I write that cruelly deceptive headline and risk losing all the trust we’ve built up to date? Well, there is one thing you should definitely stop doing if you want to develop more charisma. The twist is it more about how you think about learning charisma. It’s not about how you implement it.

The #1 thing stopping you from having more charisma is following bad advice on charisma. This bad advice comes in two flavors.

Flavor 1: The Soul-less clone approach

Most books and article about charisma exhort you to develop certain traits or perform certain charisma-enhancing behaviors. The problem with this approach is without understanding the underlying mechanism that generates charisma, this is really hit-or-miss.

Copying someone who has an intangible quality like charisma will not make you more charismatic. It will just make you a cheap, soul-less copy. Let’s take George Clooney for example. And me.

Let’s say I drink the same coffee as George. I dress like him. I change my speech to sound and talk like him. I emulate his smile, his walk, and his hair. Well, perhaps a wig since I’m bald, but I digress.

Ask yourself, if I make 1000 modifications to look and behave like George Clooney will I suddenly possess his charm and charisma? Will Stacy Keibler or Amal Alamuddin be impressed by my Clooney-ness?

Of course not! You know this.

You cannot replicate intangible qualities using tangible behavior.

It doesn’t work.

So stop falling like Charlie Brown for those Top 10 lists of things to start doing to have more Charisma.

Flavor 2: The too-specific success story

I love a good underdog or success story just as much as the next guy, but hearing about how someone else developed and deployed charisma is of limited value to me unless that story reveals the deep, underlying principles of charisma. In most stories you hear a lot about strategies and tactics. The problem with that is strategies and tactics only work when used in the right scenarios. Richard Branson’s scenario is not my scenario. We are vastly different in terms of geographical setting, background, ability, access to resources, luck, moment in time you name it. So unless his story contains the universal principles that I can try to apply to my own situation, the primary value of hearing his story is inspiration. I’m not going to be able to start an airline, a record company, etc. using his formula for success. That’s just silly.

So now that you’ve stopped doing things that won’t help, what should you do instead?

Do whatever it takes to generate more charisma as defined below:

Charisma is the ability to sense, and ultimately deliver, exactly what is most needed from an emotional perspective in a given moment.

Anything you do to get you closer to being able to do the above will help you move the charisma needle.

Everything else may help nominally, but is mostly a waste of time because you are not targeting the actual charisma-generating mechanism, which is based on emotional connection and in a way, leadership.

If you do this, you will be well on your way! I hope to cross paths with you someday because I love a charismatic person.

Cheers!

If you are curious about the other principles that underlie the elusive trait known as charisma, I have just released my first book, Unlock Your Charisma.

Available on Kindle and Apple Books, get the insights you need to become your most charismatic self.