8. How Will I Know if My Charisma is Working?


The Charisma Chronicles: episode #8 of 10

Okay, you’ve been learning about Charisma for 7 episodes so far. You’re starting to grasp the key concepts and maybe you are even starting to take some of what you learned and apply it to new or existing relationships.

First of all, let me say, “Bravo!” It takes a lot of courage to try something new and risk failing or looking foolish. I admire that immensely.

Pat on the back: DONE!

Now let’s get back to work.

So let’s say you are making a shift to get into the right state of being, which is a relaxed one. You are sensing what is needed most emotionally and you are delivering it to the person. Or at least you think you are doing all these things.

You may be wondering at some point, “How will I know if it is working?”

Great question!

Allow me to share a piece of Charisma Technology with you.

The Charisma Barometer (a.k.a. the 3 L’s)

There are three telltale signs that you are making an emotional connection with someone and moving them emotionally to a good place..

  1. The Lean

    When you are deeply connecting to someone, you’ll notice an almost imperceptible movement of their body towards yours. Not a Leaning Tower of Pisa type of lean. It’s more subtle, but if you look for it, you will notice it. They will not necessarily invade you socially acceptable space, but they will move closer to you when they were before this. This sort of movement, as well as other (body language “tell” speak volumes and way more than words.

  2. The Laugh

    This need not always be a literal laugh. Think of it as a lightening of the soul, playfulness, or an increase in joy. Note this can happen even while dealing with totally serious and grave matters and connecting and staying serious. There is a feeling of unburdening because you are now sharing any burden together. And of course, a literal laugh during a more light-hearted interaction is always a good sign.

  3. The Look

    A person’s lips can lie, but it is a lot harder for their eyes. Where the person’s eyes are focused show where they are focused. If they are looking at you, this shows engagement and focus on you and the connection you are developing. If they are looking somewhere else or seem to be lost in their own thoughts, you are not connected or are losing them. Now here’s something amazing I just noticed the other day. When you are having a great interaction and your charisma is strong, when you part the other person will sort of slightly up, then give a little head bob (like after you just had a great mean or dessert). This is a tell tale sign that you just had a really great interaction. They are thinking something to the effect of, “WOW, that was a surprisingly great interaction. Who is that person? And why can’t more interactions be like that?”

The best thing about charisma is the effect lasts way beyond the moment it was generated.

You will remain in their thoughts long past the time you are no longer in physical proximity and they will be drawn to you. Make no mistake, what you gave them is so rare in this world. We all seek that sort of bond. It is intoxicating!

Now go forth and use your new power responsibly!


If you are curious about the other principles that underlie the elusive trait known as charisma, I have just released my first book, Unlock Your Charisma.

Available on Kindle and Apple Books, get the insights you need to become your most charismatic self.