The Charisma Chronicles: episode #1 of 10

What's the one thing we could all use more of? 

I know what you’re thinking because I’m thinking it, too — “more cowbell!” Okay, that’s definitely #1. 

So let me ask again, what is the #2 thing we could all use more of?

Coming in at a close second would be more charisma. Like Will Ferrell's sweet moves, it’s easy to imitate, but not so easy to produce the same intangible genius of the original.

Which leads me to ask, why is charisma so elusive? Ask 10 people what charisma is and all of them will tell you about behaviors or traits of charismatic people or how it makes them feel. No one can seem to put their finger on the actual mechanism that makes a person charismatic.

One reason why charisma is so elusive is it lives in the energy created between two people. The person with the charisma and the person being affected by it. Also, charisma is less a group of behaviors and more a state of being. You don’t “do” charisma, you “are” charismatic, or you are not. Finally, charisma is all about emotions and being able to connect with someone and impact their emotions in a meaningful way. 

The most important thing is if you can’t say what something is, you can’t get more of it. As I was talking to a coworker around this difficulty of defining charisma, I stumbled into articulating the first definition I’ve seen that actually explains how charisma works, not just what it does.

Charisma is the ability to sense, and ultimately deliver, exactly what is most needed from an emotional perspective in a given moment.

Imagine you are a party and it is boring. Sensing and saying, “this party is dead,” will not make you charismatic, just observant. However, the person who can bring what is needed to make the party exciting and wonderful will be perceived as charismatic.

Now change scenes to a hospital where a family is waiting to find out the results of a loved one’s operation. Bringing da party is not charismatic. What is? Imagine the uncle or aunt who has the ability to empathize, give compassion and comfort — this person will be perceived as charismatic.

Through these examples you can start to see why charisma is so elusive and hard to define. It is ever changing based on the needs of others and it not just a single skill that a person has. The truly charismatic among us carry this state of being with them in whatever context they find themselves in. It’s not an act or a skill, it’s more a state of being.

The good news is once you unwrap what charisma actually is, you can start to get more of it.

If you are curious about all 8 principles that underlie the elusive trait known as charisma, I have just released my first book, Unlock Your Charisma.

Available on Kindle and Apple Books, get the insights you need to become your most charismatic self.

If you are ready, in the immortal words of Bruce Dickinson, “roll it!”

“...ding ding ding ding...”

Help Me Redeem my Free Apple Book or iBooks code

First, an apology.

Recently, in my excitement to share with trusted beta readers a few free copies of my first ebook, Unlock Your Charisma, I failed to test the Apple Books process for reddeming a free ebook.

Big mistake!

If I had, I would have realized it takes a Ph.D. to figure out how to do this. When I tried to do this myself using helpful advice like from this link it didn’t make sense to me. Perhaps the article reflects an older version of the apps or the way Apple has designed things in 2019 has changed. In any case, below is my attempt at making things EZPZ for anyone who has a free code for an ebook from Apple (mine or someone else’s) and has NO IDEA how to redeem it!

Don’t give up!

Help is just a few steps away!

Step 1. Forget about your Macbook. You can’t use this EZPZ method below to redeem your promo code on a laptop.

Step 2. Take your iPhone or iPad and make sure you have these 2 apps: iTunes Store and Books

Step 3. Open your iTunes Store app

Step 4. At the very top, make sure “Featured” is selected in blue

Step 5. Scroll down to the bottom of the page

Step 6. Tap on the “Redeem” button right above your Apple ID

Step 7. When you see the pop-up saying “Apple Books is required to view this item” click OK. Remember, you already downloaded the Apple Books app in Step 2.

Step 8. Enjoy my book or whatever other book you had a promo code for.

If you read Unlock Your Charisma, please leave a review on Apple Books or Amazon and I will be very appreciative.

Thanks and happy reading!

Apple Books

https://books.apple.com/us/book/unlock-your-charisma/id1476208045?ls=1

Amazon Kindle 

https://www.amazon.com/dp/B07WGBJ9T3/ref=sr_1_1?keywords=unlock+your+charisma&qid=1565689488&s=gateway&sr=8-1

I get a call from a client. Their boss is just wearing them out. Don’t get me wrong, this person can handle the pressure, but call after call, email after email, they are not they can take it anymore. They are on the precipice of doing or saying something that they will regret. Their big next question is, “what can I do?”

It’s interesting how independence and self-reliance are a double-edged sword. They draw attention to the otherness of people who are not us. As in I’m going to do me and you do you. And if I don’t like what you are doing, that’s on you. What Aikido has and the Connection Code has taught me is that in our relationships, the distinction between you and me is illusory. The reality is we form a system and each of our actions affect the others. I still get to be me and you get to be you, but you don’t get to eject out of your part in the relationship if you don’t like the dynamic.

So I ask my client, what is your response time? How responsive are you? I know the answer. Super-humanly responsive. And I ask the next question, do you always need to answer as fast as you do? Spoiler, the answer is no, I want to make them happy, but it doesn’t always matter from a business respective. That’s just how I roll all the time.

I ask my client to consider being more deliberate in how and when they respond. I ask, do you think by always responding so super quickly to every request, whether it is warranted or not, you are actually helping to set the pace without any real connection to a business need? Let’s say you get 1 email every 5 minutes and your reply in 5 minutes. So in 1 hour you will have read and written a total of 12 emails. Assuming that response time is self-imposed, what would be different if you replied in 25 minutes. Now you have a total of 4 emails in 1 hour with no change in value or effectiveness.

Don't play high speed ping pong if you don’t need to. If you enjoy it, go for it! But, if you are being burned out, I’m guessing it is not enjoyable anymore. Be like those ping pong players who lob the ball way up into the air. Lob it once in a while and give yourself some time to breathe. And do others a favor by giving them time to breathe.

Never drop the ball, but that doesn't mean you have to be an instant response machine.

You are contributing to the pace. The key is to remember you can only control your response, not theirs. But, by managing your response, you will influence their response.

Think about it another way. Is it your goal to give people what they want (people pleaser) or what they need (problem solver)? I'll take the problem solver any day of the week.

If you try this let me know how it goes in the comments below.

Watch this first guy. Just amazing stuff.