Hitting the Wall

In an earlier post I wrote about how to form a new habit by strategically breaking all the rules. For anyone who's ever adopted a new habit, there comes a moment, more like several moments, when you enounter fierce, internal rebellion. Not a fleeting buckling of the knees, but rather gale force winds threatening to blow you off your feet to even further from where you started. So how can you combat this powerful resistance?

The solution is novelty. Just like we broke the rules to keep the habit going, there are EZPZ ways to use variety to renew your motivation.

EZPZ ways to bring novelty to your habit

1. Change location or timing. If you are feeling burnt out and unmotivated from the same routine, switching up the where or when can give you a much-needed boost. Switch from doing it at home to work. If home works best, try a different room with a different view. If you normally write at the coffee shop, try going to the library or park. The great thing about this is it doens't have to be a permanent of even long-term change. Just one or two sessions from a different perspective may be all you need to get you back on track.

2. Change the style. Can't bear the thought of another salsa class? Sign up for tango. Dreading another night at the gym? Try indoor rock climbing.

3. Planned moratorium. No guilt is the key. And right back at it.
I used to work with a colleague whose mother had "quit" smoking for over 20 years. Her secret was that every Christmas, she allowed herself exactly 1 cigarette at Christmas. Now while this might not comply with her health or life insurer's definition of being a non-smoker, in a way this is a brilliant technique. She knows she can and will have exactly one a year at a given time and date and no more. 
Ken story about cake for dieters

For a bit of inspiration, don't let this new habit you've worked so hard on so far bite the dust!

Next post next Saturday, 6:30 a.m.

Color Your Meetings

Have you ever missed an important meeting? Cue feelings of panic and dread...activate excuse-making machinery...then finally comes acceptance. Maybe you were so engrossed in your task that you lost track of time. Maybe another meeting ran over and you didn't realize. And maybe, just maybe, this could have been avoided if the important meeting hadn't been camaflouged among your other meetings by your monochromatic Outlook calendar.

The problem with lists, and your daily calendar view is basically a list, is that without doing anything extra, each appointment has the same appearance, regardless of importance. You could scan each item quickly, but that takes some extra time and mental processing power.

Do you wish there was a way to highlight your most important meetings? Would it be helpful if they stood out with just a glance? And would it be valuable if this all happened automatically?

 The solution is to set up your calendar so your most important meetings are automatically displayed in a different color of your choice. Red is an obvious and fine choice, but any color with the desired impact will do.

I know what you're thinking. This sounds complicated. And will I screw up my existing calendar? Not to worry. I'll hold you hand through the entire process.

EZPZ Calendar Color-coding

1.  In Outlook Calendar, click on the VIEW tab

2. Click on "View Settings"

3. Click on "Conditional Formatting"

4. Click on the "Add" button

5. Name the color-coding rule you are about to make. So for example, "Exec mtgs" for meetings with you boss or senior management. And pick a color that will resonate with you as signifying something special and stand out.

6. Click the "Condition" button

7. No need to go crazy here. If you always want to highlight meetings where the CEO, say Mr. Albus Dumbledore is attending, then clock on the "Attendees" button and insert his name. My advice here is to keep the rule you are making simple. 

And now, according to the "Exec mtgs" rule I just created, any meetings with Albus Dumbledore as an attendee will now magically appear as red in my calendar. One the rule was set, I didn't have to use a single keystroke or think about it to make those meeting stand out from all my other meetings.  

A little background music by Color Me Badd while you set up your calendar...

Next post next Saturday, 6:30 a.m.

One Memory to Rule Them All

What do a Nobel prize-winning psychologist, George Costanza and a Bible verse have in common?

In his TED talk "The riddle of experience vs memory," psychologist Daniel Kanheman tells the story of a man listening to a glorious symphony.

An exquisite feast for the ears till the very end, when there was an awful screeching. Although most of the performance sounded amazing, the few jarring seconds at the end had a pronounced effect. The negative feelings were what he took away in terms of his experience. Dr. Kanheman explains that we have an experiencing self, who lives in the present and only knows the present and a remembering self, who keeps score and maintains the story of our life. As it turns out, how things end are very important and can dominate the story that is told by our remembering self.

George Constanza implicitly understood that once you've done something impressive, you can only go downhill by sticking around. This was his idea of showmanship, which he takes to the extreme by leaving the room as soon as he gets a great reaction that is not likely to be topped. Never mind social niceties or gracious timing. In other words, go out on a high note!

Ephesians 4:26 says, "Be angry without sinning. Don't go to bed angry." Whether you are religious, atheist or something in between, it's good advice not to go to bed angry. Whenever possible, squash the argument with your friend or loved one before the end of the day. This may take humility, courage, grace or all of the above.

Imagine your anger as a snow ball. Squashing your anger is like pouring a cup of hot water on the snow ball. However, when you go to sleep without resolving the anger, you allow the snow ball to grow as each new offense will add more snow. Left unchecked, the bad feelings grow slowly, but surely as one argument rolls into another. Before you know it, you have a giant snow boulder. Now imagine pouring that same cup of hot water on the boulder.

It's not that all problems can be solved by bedtime. Relationships are complicated and some conflicts may take years to settle or may never be fully resolved. But it's good practice to defuse hurt feelings before you sleep. Perhaps agree to disagree and then reaffirm your importance to each other. Have your last memory of the day be a positive one. Or at least not fueled by rage.

So, what do an award-winning psychologist, George Costanza and a Bible verse have in common? All three recognize that not all memories are equal. In fact, the last memory in a sequence is a tremendously significant one. So...organize your vacations to save the best for last, leave audiences on a high note, and do not go to sleep angry.

Next post next Saturday at 6:30 a.m.